Working in a formal office environment has been a huge social transition for me. I’ve gone from working on a one-on-one basis with people doing massage but now I’ve been thrown into multicultural clusterfuck of varying intellects. One conclusion that I have deducted from working in an office setting is a support group needs to be formed, a group that a certain member of my office team would definitely fit.
Ignorant Bitch, Anonymous.
We’ll call it IgBitchAnon, you know like how they shorten it for the drunks. This certain woman in my office… every comment that she makes drops my jaw to the floor and YOU KNOW that takes a lot. Every day after lunch she feels the need to announce how full she is. Over. And over. And over. In her loud countryfab voice. Then the random comments start. For example, IgBitchAnon statement #1:
“I’m so glad we’re over in Iraq civilizing those people. There’s nothing wrong with civilization!”
Inteligent person responds: “Well, in my opinion they’ve been running things their way for hundreds of years, who are we to step in?”
“But EVERYONE needs civilization! It would really improve their tourism industry. I mean, I would LOVE to see Iraq if there weren’t so many terrorists!”
TOURISM? I’ve heard every different ignorant rationalization for the war in Iraq but TOURISM? Are they going to build a Disney there next? Maybe a Six Flags over Baghdad… Mind you the woman is wearing a ratty old t-shirt and sweat pants… to work. When the HELL is she going to travel to, I don’t know, FRANCE much less the Middle East? Yet another one of my favorites was:
“…Jimmy Hoffa? He’s not dead. Jimmy Hoffa married a black hooker and got deported to Brazil. She’s the only reason Jimmy Hoffa’s alive, he’s probably drinking on some beach in Brazil right now for all we know.”
WTF? Where did this even come from? If you listen to her stories she’ll go on about some bullshit about her family’s mob connection and the man she’s all loved up with in prison… I’ve probably put myself in danger by posting this at all…
Anyway, the big topper came today. I couldn’t stay in the room after this one, once the topic arose I immediately left the room in a roar of laughter.
“You know in Asia they eat HORSE? They slaughter HORSES to eat over there. Did you know that? I can’t IMAGINE eating a horse!”
Considering they slaughter pigs, cows, and chickens (amongst many stranger animals) around the world… I just couldn’t take another lick of ignorance from this woman. So I separate from the situation, distract myself, got all the giggles out, then when I return the question is asked:
“Have you ever eaten horse meat Justin?” At which point I believe I rolled my eyes harder than they have ever rolled before and pretended to be consumed with the paperwork and data entry that now fills my life.
And through the Elvira makeup and fanned out 80’s hair I can tell that she isn’t a bad person, she’s just completely ignorant to most of the subjects that she enjoys discussing. I mean, anyone who uses the reasoning “It’s in the English bible” to back something has to be a step back on the intelligence scale. This is why the support group should be formed. This is not the only igbitch out there. The world is full of igbitches, and you just can’t hate on ignorance. You can only tape the support group meetings and laugh your ass off.
Now that’s a reality show I would get locked down into…