Fat and grease slathered on a solid carb bun…

6 Nov

It’s currently 8am and I’ve been awake since 6 so considering I didn’t go to bed until 2 I would say that my insomnia has definitely kicked back up.  Every morning around this hour I watch Lucy and am perpetually surprised by their blunt demonstration of domestic violence.

What a jackass Ricky was!  Fred would have never DARED lay a hand on Ethyl but you know that Cuban motherfucker beat the shit out of that poor redhead woman on the daily.  He must have had some GOOD dick though because she loved the hell out of him.

The past few mornings I have been getting breakfast sandwiches from various fast food chains.  I’m usually not a big breakfast eater but I do breakfast sandwiches for special occasions so *of course* I got a Croissantwich from Jack in the Box for election day, then just had to double it up with a Sausage and Egg McMuffin to celebrate yesterday, so now I’m spoiled and craving one today.

Whoever invented the breakfast sandwich should be put to a slow, agonizing, artery blocking death… or maybe their sandwiches are taking care of that one faster than anyone else could.  I swear they have to put crack in them, or maybe there’s a highly addictive chemical that’s created by the fusion of pig grease and cheese, two common ingredients most breakfast sandwiches have.

One place I WILL NOT GO is the McGriddle from McDonalds.  A lot of people are in love with them but I just can’t do it, the little syrup crystals in the pancake bun (OMG I totally gagged just at the thought of it)… what bedridden morbidly obese pot head came up with that one?  I mean I know I have the whole hypoglycemia thing working against me but I don’t see how ANYONE can handle that much fat, grease, AND sugar before 10:30 AM.

Usually I hate eating breakfast.  I’m not a big fan of “sustenance eating” as a whole though; I love food but hate having to eat every few hours just to stay alive.  I tried turning the hunger thing off before but I ended up loosing a lot of weight and people thought I was puking.  I don’t see why people are so huffed up over eating, I mean if you see someone 200+ pounds overweight you’ll totally say something tacky under your breath to a friend but don’t have the balls to go up and tell them personally “maybe you should put the pig down, ma’am” while they’re having dinner but there’s no hesitation in yelling “damn bitch eat a burger!” to someone that’s super skinny.

Even in close, personal relationships if the person is too skinny most people don’t hesitate to tell them how much they’re worried about their eating habbits and general health but NOBODY says anything to 400lb aunt Edith who shovels down 4 apple pies a day, a whole cow and a wheel of cheddar cheese which is slowly hardening her arteries into a network of solid cholesterol concrete.

I think I just grab some fruit instead.

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