I guess from many of my posts you would think that I’m obsessed with Roseanne. And yes, that may be a little bit true. Roseanne is the one show that after several decades of being on television I can still sit down and watch no matter what time of day or season.
There’s one thing however that’s always bugged me about the show – the house’s floor plan. Now I’m not an architect, engineer, draftsman or person of any real education concerning blue prints, etc but I’ve always been fascinated by floor plans. When I was a kid my dad would draw house plans for people and I’d sit on the floor next to him and draw floor plans for the loft my Ken Doll and his boyfriend from North Korea that he met on the internet would move into when gay marriage was legalized…
Yeah as a kid I was totally gay. GAY GAY GAY. I was so gay that at about 2 years old at my cousin’s wedding I threw a fit because I wanted a wedding dress like she had so my dad had to put me in one of his big t-shirts so I’d shut up. Someday if I can find pictures of it I’ll post them, I know I’ve seen them somewhere.
Anyway, when I was growing up I used to watch Roseanne all the time, it made me feel normal to see how abnormally they functioned I guess. During my parents fights, which they had very frequently I would pretend that we were the Conners because they seemed a lot happier.
WOW tragic, huh! Dear god that brick needs to go right back in the wall, f’real.
Still after like 20 years of watching the show the floor plan bugged me because I couldn’t figure it out. Everything made sense to me except the master bedroom/master bath configuration that never seemed to fit right with me. I’ve looked online several times for some kind of clue but I could never find a PDF or even a jpeg of the floor plan so it continued to haunt me.
Until three days ago. I spotted it while watching the show, the missing link in the house. The part I never understood was the doors actually, the doors they walk through to reach the bedroom or bathroom from the kitchen didn’t match the ones going from either room into the kitchen, they seemed switched. Three days ago however I noticed A HALLWAY. Yes that’s right.
I doubt many of you are as excited about this as I am but it ended a question that’s lingered in my head for a long time. I’m a simple guy that takes simple pleasures and this is one that has seemed to make my life a little more complete for some reason.
I have this blogging censor that keeps me from writing stuff that I don’t think anyone will give a shit about like Dan and Roseanne Conner’s Floor Plan but this time I said to myself “no, just go ahead and hit that ‘publish’ button. SOMEONE out there has to be wondering about the same thing so even if nobody else gets it, someone will.”
So here it is, the Conner Family’s Floor Plan.