Men Left to their Own Devices…

29 Nov

After nearly a year of interacting with other guys on a “single” level I have pretty much come to the conclusion that gay guys for the most part are just DUMB.  It can’t be because of the gayness, I thought, because I’m gay.  Straight men are dumb too.  So what is it that makes men such utter retards when left to our own devices?

A friend of mine is a nurse who documents things removed from people’s bodies.  Some of his most interesting stories are about things which had been inserted into various… places, and they’re mostly from men.  What is it that makes men want to go to this strange, bizarre level of kink?  I don’t think it’s as much what makes them do it, it’s what keeps them from doing it: WOMEN.

Some of the kinkiest bastards I’ve ever known were gay men, but I think that’s more because they have no shame in it.  Gay men do things like wear leather chaps and leather cowboy hats and matching leather cock rings.  In public.  Straight men keep their freak secret and hire a dominatrix to fulfill their fetishes in the privacy of a Motel 6.

Dumb straight guys marry young.  They get good jobs that require more functional knowledge than actual creative ingenuity and their wives take care of most of the domestic responsibilities while the he says intelligent things like “get me a beer” and “when’s dinner?”.  Since their wives pick up most of the slack they think that they’re intelligent by default, that their wife is actually dependant on them but again when left to their own devices they eat beans out of the can and live in filth – but they love every minute of it.

Dumb gay guys end up as strippers who put pool balls up their asses while they dance then get care-flighted to the emergency room because they’ve prolapsed their colon.  They spend days on end in bath houses on enough crystal meth to kill a horse.  It doesn’t matter if they can spell ‘crack whore’ as long as they have fun doing it.

So what is it that keeps normal, intelligent men from going all “super tard”?  Personally I think it’s the women in their lives.  The wives and the hags of the world keep guys in check, gay or straight.  They inspire them to do things like brush their teeth and change their underwear.  Of course there’s the select group of intelligent males that can exist in the world independently but for the most part if there isn’t a prominent female figure in their lives men tend to fall apart.

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