The Parental Transfiguration.

22 Dec

At some point, in all of our lives, weather we like it or not the inevitable happens:  We turn into our parents.  Weather it be in appearance, attitude, thought process, political views, the way we put on our depends, no matter the method it always happens.

In my case I am on the path to becoming my father.  It’s already frightening how much I look like him, every picture I see of myself I start to see more of my dad.  I saw a picture today from a Christmas party I went to where I’m sitting on the couch, legs crossed, with a drink in my hand and BOOM it hit me.  I have seen this exact same picture of my dad somewhere.

I haven’t been able to find it yet and that kills me.  I have an old box of pictures that I keep and I know it has to be in there somewhere, along with the inappropriate bulge picture of my brother in his football uniform from the 80’s (apparently before they had cups…) that my ex spotted when we originally found the box, and the picture of my great aunt dancing with her arms over her head in a sleeveless blouse about 3 years or so after she decided to stop shaving…

It’s expanding from my appearance though, see my dad makes uncomfortable little sexual innuendos like “It’s over in that genital virginity” instead of general vicinity and really just has a very distinct manner of speaking that just make him the overly interesting guy he is.  He’s a classic example of small town west Texas.  Anyway, I catch myself every day using odd little metaphors and similes, like “that’s worse than a pimple on Pride day!” and other little Justin renditions of “Dad Comments”.

My dad has a favorite outfit: Khakis and a white long sleeve shirt.  I swear, when you look in his closet, there is one side of khaki Dockers and on the other side is long sleeve white shirts.  It’s like a uniform.  Now I’ve been starting to do the same thing, during the summer I wear I fitted t-shirt and khaki shorts.  It makes me wonder if someday I’ll get some huge pot belly like most of the men in my family and I’ll switch to button up shirts.  Then my khaki shorts won’t go with the shirts so I’ll just switch to Dockers, Dockers are super comfy.

Also, my dad loves a movie that puts him to sleep.  His favorite movie is “On Golden Pond” because it puts him out cold within a few minutes.  I have a collection of knock-you-out movies.  My dad will tell you he can’t imagine sleeping while the sun is shining but closing your eyes during a movie is ok.  I make little rationalizations like that ALL the time.

Ok so here’s me in a couple years:  I’ll be sitting on a porch somewhere in khaki Dockers and a white button up shirt doing a crossword puzzle.  Meh, whattdya gonna do.


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