The Male Hormonal Cycle

24 Jan

Every month around the same time I get that “not so fresh” feeling. Well not in the place most people usually get it, it’s like I feel it in my soul. It’s like clockwork, it’s always been that way. I’m irritable. I’m depressed. It’s the only time I can ever cry. It’s my manrag.

Every man has them, straight, gay, paper machete… every man I have ever known has had the same problem weather they want to admit it or not. It’s a rough time, and I think it’s a lot rougher on men than women. Sure women bleed, bloat, and row a boat (don’t you love my rhyming skills today?) but at least they get to TALK about it. They can freely talk to each other about their common symptoms and find solace in it. In most circles if a guy says he’s on his rag, even to fellow manraggers, usually the first word he hears is “FAG!” fallowed by a bottle to the head.

Every month when that special time hits I feel like absolute emotional shit. I fester on things and overanalyze, I make up crazy scenarios in my head that I realize are totally ridiculous… I turn into an even bigger woman than I normally am.

So I decided to look around online and it seems to be a topic even professionals tend to avoid. Actually I could only find one link that didn’t have the words gay or fag in the text line so I checked it out to find that a few other people out there agree.

On Tim Boucher’s blog he showed something he had found on a site selling dietary supplements listing the FIVE male hormonal cycles. That’s right ladies, you may have physical discomfort and get a little pissy once a month but we have to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions in FIVE ways.

The first is rhythmic fluctuations 3-4 times an hour. Want to know why we’re always horny? Because we get a rush of testosterone every 15 minutes or so. When most women’s natural cycle tells them once a month that they NEED sex, men get it every 15 minutes or so. Sure women may get aroused at other times but every woman I’ve ever known gets super randy right after she finishes her menstrual cycle.

The second are fluctuations higher in the morning than afternoon. That’s why men like morning sex so much, and is usually the best! Personally I always feel like a powerhouse in the morning but as the day goes on I feel less and less engaged.

The third’s the kicker – MONTHLY MALE FLUCTUATIONS THAT ARE RHYTHMIC BUT DIFFERENT FOR EACH PERSON. That’s the most noticeable cycle, the true manrag. It’s the cycle most like the female cycle except I think it’s opposite. I think that where a woman’s period is a rush of estrogen and other hormones making them more emotional, the male period is the time after the hormone rush and testosterone is in a deficiency. And yes, men do have estrogen just as women have testosterone; no gender has sole proprietorship either so when our testosterone is low naturally we’re left with estrogen. Lady Fuel.

The fifth is the YEARLY cycle where men have higher levels of testosterone in October than April. Humans are far more emotional creatures than the rest of the animal kingdom so it takes more than pretty feathers or a burly chest to attract a mate; it takes sensitivity, tenderness, and some degree of understanding of the opposite sex. Men have lower testosterone in April to be more sensitive and romantic making them more appealing to a mate then higher in Fall to have the constant drive to want to conceive. You hear about summer love all the time and spring babies, it makes complete sense. It’s much easier on a woman to be pregnant during the winter than the summer like any other animal because they’re much more prone to dehydration and heat exhaustion.

I’m going in the tent now. I’ve got the crimson tide. Uncle Flo has come to visit. This week I’ve already done the eat ice cream in bed and watch Ice Castles thing… well it was more like Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. That movie chokes me up every time. Being gay is so much easier that actually using hormones for reproduction, they can be put to SO much better use.

Advertisements

12 Responses to “The Male Hormonal Cycle”

  1. yigit 10 October, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    You should now that, I’m reading it from Turkey. So keep sharing some usable things like that. thanks btw

  2. Justin Thyme 26 October, 2011 at 9:19 am #

    Thanks! I appreciate that!

  3. Stevie 21 November, 2011 at 1:21 am #

    This definitely explains a lot for me!! lol

  4. Justin Thyme 30 November, 2011 at 12:10 am #

    Great, make sure to check out my current hormonal adventure!

  5. Edward 7 December, 2011 at 6:13 am #

    You missed number 4; the list went straight from three to five… Other than that, it makes perfect sense

  6. Justin Thyme 19 December, 2011 at 6:09 am #

    Huh, well I sure did, didn’t I. I guess that’s what happens when I get drunk and type on the internet!

  7. Jason 8 March, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    Ugh, so this is what we define as a MAN now-a-days

  8. whateverbabynevermind 4 April, 2013 at 4:24 am #

    So your cycle is worse than a woman’s? You mean your back feels such intense pain that you cannot stand up? Your butt and leg muscles spasm and paralyse for up to ten minutes? Your head hurts worse than most migraines? You have to change your maxi-pad three times a day because as your endometrium breaks down, clots of blood fall into your underwear? Every single word a person utters causes you intense emotional distress that even you don’t understand? Don’t bullshit and go deal with your fucking “emotional” cycle, because that’s so much harder to deal with than the physical.

  9. Justin Thyme 7 April, 2013 at 8:42 am #

    wow, somebody’s having a bad day…

  10. Tony 10 May, 2013 at 4:17 pm #

    So your cycle is worse than a woman’s?

    Yes, because we can’t even admit to having one. We have to suffer in silence. So while many of the common symptoms are not as obvious or in YOUR opinion troublesome they must be endured alone.

    You mean your back feels such intense pain that you cannot stand up? Your butt and leg muscles spasm and paralyse for up to ten minutes? Your head hurts worse than most migraines?

    Yes in fact, I am one of the few that does have a severe monthly rhythm. I get cramps, bloating, gas, migraines, and GI discomfort. If I am careful and drink enough water…but not too much…I am fine. If I drink too much or not enough even by a glass or two I end up with constipation or diarrhea.

    You have to change your maxi-pad three times a day because as your endometrium breaks down, clots of blood fall into your underwear?

    No, you’ve got me there. you have a bloody mess to deal with.

    Every single word a person utters causes you intense emotional distress that even you don’t understand?

    Yes, and it’s often all I can do not to punch them in the face. Sometimes no one even has to say anything to me. I can see something that makes me think of someone and then my thoughts take on a mind of their own and before I know it I’m arguing with someone that isn’t there(silently mind you, I’m hormonal not craze).

    Don’t bullshit and go deal with your fucking “emotional” cycle, because that’s so much harder to deal with than the physical.

    Or, you could try to have some compassion. Because while you have only a single cycle with physical and emotional repercussions, men have SEVERAL cycles all of which have potential physical and emotional repercussions. A friend of mine has such a severe daily cycle that he literally can NOT get aroused in the evening. He thought it was ED and went to the doctor. The doctor suggested he try initiating in the morning and it worked fine. So thankfully he wasn’t misdiagnosed and thrown a handful of viagra. Instead he was told he should try taking a nap midday right after work. And it fixed the situation.

    But you won’t read this because you’ll be too busy complaining about how bad women have it to your peers. Oh, wait…I can’t really do that unless I’m ultra careful. Otherwise I’m incessantly teased and taunted and called names by the peers that I was trying to confide in. Solitude and suffering is much more painful that suffering with peers. No matter how you slice it.

  11. Capnmorgan 31 May, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    Omg thank you ‘whateverbabynevermind’ this was a very interesting and informative post but the degrading remarks about how women have it soooo much easier were not only uncalled for but complete bullshit. Do you know that until I finally got on the pill my period pain was so intense the only thing that gave me any relief was Percocets and a bathtub full of scalding hot water?! And if I didn’t have Percocets I was wrothing in pain clawing at my blankets crying my eyes out for hours until the like 5 ibuprofen I’d take would kick in. Please tell me more about how hard your life is. Then go fuck yourself.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Men have the male version of PMS - 20 June, 2011

    […] Men have the male version of PMS The Male Hormonal Cycle Food for thought. I was watching The Big Bang Theory the other day, and Sheldon mentioned a 33 day […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: