The Male Hormonal Cycle

24 Jan

Every month around the same time I get that “not so fresh” feeling. Well not in the place most people usually get it, it’s like I feel it in my soul. It’s like clockwork, it’s always been that way. I’m irritable. I’m depressed. It’s the only time I can ever cry. It’s my manrag.

Every man has them, straight, gay, paper machete… every man I have ever known has had the same problem weather they want to admit it or not. It’s a rough time, and I think it’s a lot rougher on men than women. Sure women bleed, bloat, and row a boat (don’t you love my rhyming skills today?) but at least they get to TALK about it. They can freely talk to each other about their common symptoms and find solace in it. In most circles if a guy says he’s on his rag, even to fellow manraggers, usually the first word he hears is “FAG!” fallowed by a bottle to the head.

Every month when that special time hits I feel like absolute emotional shit. I fester on things and overanalyze, I make up crazy scenarios in my head that I realize are totally ridiculous… I turn into an even bigger woman than I normally am.

So I decided to look around online and it seems to be a topic even professionals tend to avoid. Actually I could only find one link that didn’t have the words gay or fag in the text line so I checked it out to find that a few other people out there agree.

On Tim Boucher’s blog he showed something he had found on a site selling dietary supplements listing the FIVE male hormonal cycles. That’s right ladies, you may have physical discomfort and get a little pissy once a month but we have to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions in FIVE ways.

The first is rhythmic fluctuations 3-4 times an hour. Want to know why we’re always horny? Because we get a rush of testosterone every 15 minutes or so. When most women’s natural cycle tells them once a month that they NEED sex, men get it every 15 minutes or so. Sure women may get aroused at other times but every woman I’ve ever known gets super randy right after she finishes her menstrual cycle.

The second are fluctuations higher in the morning than afternoon. That’s why men like morning sex so much, and is usually the best! Personally I always feel like a powerhouse in the morning but as the day goes on I feel less and less engaged.

The third’s the kicker – MONTHLY MALE FLUCTUATIONS THAT ARE RHYTHMIC BUT DIFFERENT FOR EACH PERSON. That’s the most noticeable cycle, the true manrag. It’s the cycle most like the female cycle except I think it’s opposite. I think that where a woman’s period is a rush of estrogen and other hormones making them more emotional, the male period is the time after the hormone rush and testosterone is in a deficiency. And yes, men do have estrogen just as women have testosterone; no gender has sole proprietorship either so when our testosterone is low naturally we’re left with estrogen. Lady Fuel.

The fifth is the YEARLY cycle where men have higher levels of testosterone in October than April. Humans are far more emotional creatures than the rest of the animal kingdom so it takes more than pretty feathers or a burly chest to attract a mate; it takes sensitivity, tenderness, and some degree of understanding of the opposite sex. Men have lower testosterone in April to be more sensitive and romantic making them more appealing to a mate then higher in Fall to have the constant drive to want to conceive. You hear about summer love all the time and spring babies, it makes complete sense. It’s much easier on a woman to be pregnant during the winter than the summer like any other animal because they’re much more prone to dehydration and heat exhaustion.

I’m going in the tent now. I’ve got the crimson tide. Uncle Flo has come to visit. This week I’ve already done the eat ice cream in bed and watch Ice Castles thing… well it was more like Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. That movie chokes me up every time. Being gay is so much easier that actually using hormones for reproduction, they can be put to SO much better use.

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18 Responses to “The Male Hormonal Cycle”

  1. yigit 10 October, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    You should now that, I’m reading it from Turkey. So keep sharing some usable things like that. thanks btw

  2. Justin Thyme 26 October, 2011 at 9:19 am #

    Thanks! I appreciate that!

  3. Stevie 21 November, 2011 at 1:21 am #

    This definitely explains a lot for me!! lol

  4. Justin Thyme 30 November, 2011 at 12:10 am #

    Great, make sure to check out my current hormonal adventure!

  5. Edward 7 December, 2011 at 6:13 am #

    You missed number 4; the list went straight from three to five… Other than that, it makes perfect sense

  6. Justin Thyme 19 December, 2011 at 6:09 am #

    Huh, well I sure did, didn’t I. I guess that’s what happens when I get drunk and type on the internet!

  7. Jason 8 March, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    Ugh, so this is what we define as a MAN now-a-days

  8. whateverbabynevermind 4 April, 2013 at 4:24 am #

    So your cycle is worse than a woman’s? You mean your back feels such intense pain that you cannot stand up? Your butt and leg muscles spasm and paralyse for up to ten minutes? Your head hurts worse than most migraines? You have to change your maxi-pad three times a day because as your endometrium breaks down, clots of blood fall into your underwear? Every single word a person utters causes you intense emotional distress that even you don’t understand? Don’t bullshit and go deal with your fucking “emotional” cycle, because that’s so much harder to deal with than the physical.

  9. Justin Thyme 7 April, 2013 at 8:42 am #

    wow, somebody’s having a bad day…

  10. Tony 10 May, 2013 at 4:17 pm #

    So your cycle is worse than a woman’s?

    Yes, because we can’t even admit to having one. We have to suffer in silence. So while many of the common symptoms are not as obvious or in YOUR opinion troublesome they must be endured alone.

    You mean your back feels such intense pain that you cannot stand up? Your butt and leg muscles spasm and paralyse for up to ten minutes? Your head hurts worse than most migraines?

    Yes in fact, I am one of the few that does have a severe monthly rhythm. I get cramps, bloating, gas, migraines, and GI discomfort. If I am careful and drink enough water…but not too much…I am fine. If I drink too much or not enough even by a glass or two I end up with constipation or diarrhea.

    You have to change your maxi-pad three times a day because as your endometrium breaks down, clots of blood fall into your underwear?

    No, you’ve got me there. you have a bloody mess to deal with.

    Every single word a person utters causes you intense emotional distress that even you don’t understand?

    Yes, and it’s often all I can do not to punch them in the face. Sometimes no one even has to say anything to me. I can see something that makes me think of someone and then my thoughts take on a mind of their own and before I know it I’m arguing with someone that isn’t there(silently mind you, I’m hormonal not craze).

    Don’t bullshit and go deal with your fucking “emotional” cycle, because that’s so much harder to deal with than the physical.

    Or, you could try to have some compassion. Because while you have only a single cycle with physical and emotional repercussions, men have SEVERAL cycles all of which have potential physical and emotional repercussions. A friend of mine has such a severe daily cycle that he literally can NOT get aroused in the evening. He thought it was ED and went to the doctor. The doctor suggested he try initiating in the morning and it worked fine. So thankfully he wasn’t misdiagnosed and thrown a handful of viagra. Instead he was told he should try taking a nap midday right after work. And it fixed the situation.

    But you won’t read this because you’ll be too busy complaining about how bad women have it to your peers. Oh, wait…I can’t really do that unless I’m ultra careful. Otherwise I’m incessantly teased and taunted and called names by the peers that I was trying to confide in. Solitude and suffering is much more painful that suffering with peers. No matter how you slice it.

  11. Capnmorgan 31 May, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    Omg thank you ‘whateverbabynevermind’ this was a very interesting and informative post but the degrading remarks about how women have it soooo much easier were not only uncalled for but complete bullshit. Do you know that until I finally got on the pill my period pain was so intense the only thing that gave me any relief was Percocets and a bathtub full of scalding hot water?! And if I didn’t have Percocets I was wrothing in pain clawing at my blankets crying my eyes out for hours until the like 5 ibuprofen I’d take would kick in. Please tell me more about how hard your life is. Then go fuck yourself.

  12. Missbutterfree 20 July, 2013 at 1:14 am #

    @Tony. You’re a bitter, effeminate idiot. You decry your manperiod as so miserable and painful as to be just like a woman’s with pride, but refer to a woman’s period as simply a “bloody mess”. You probably don’t understand the reasons why a woman has such a cycle or how the female reproductive system works, but feel empowered enough to make derogatory comments. Typical. For your information, ignoramous, your physical discomfort symptoms sound like what happens to anyone that is dehydrated. Don’t blame your poor health habits on the hormones. You don’t have a uterus, and will never know the pain of uterine cramps. But if you really want to talk about pain? Let’s talk about CHILDBIRTH. You are obviously proud to be a female-minded bitch, but have no respect for the actual women you wish to be so badly. A real man would disown you. Hypocrite.

  13. Burhan Akçay 13 August, 2013 at 7:09 am #

    A very helpful article. Thanks.

  14. Sidollward 8 December, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

    I understand what you mean about being able to talk about it, however, talking about it doesn’t make it easier. The thing is however – the male cycle you just described is hardly an inconvenience UNLESS you are one of the few whose is intense or particular.
    First of all, about this “enduring”, the most you have to endure is not being able to aroused – which women have problems with too already – getting aroused often – which really as often as most guys whack-off isn’t that big of issue AND girls have that too already – and finally getting a little emotional.
    What is so bad about feeling a little emotional? What is that SO difficult? “I can’t stop feeling sad” is a normal symptom, of several things women go through periodically – INCLUDING PREGNANCY. Yeah as “MEN” you can’t admit to feeling a little down as easily – or that your “cycles” have been a little rough. However, as much as women go through openly and in secret, that really isn’t that bad.
    I am not saying it isn’t difficult at all, or that having to hide what you are going through isn’t rough. I am just saying before you start trying to claim that your cycle is worse than mine – try bleeding for seven days straight. Try going to work and going to school, and taking care of children when you have NO energy, your pants are too tight because you are bloated, your head hurts and nothing seems appetizing and NOT being able to complain about it because “being on your period is no excuse”.
    Every woman’s cycle IS different! Don’t complain about not being able to get aroused too late at night when it can be fixed by taking a nap – when some women’s cycles are so bad or inconsistent that they can’t even get pregnant!
    Try being broke – will your man cycle affect your life? NO! If you don’t have money, you will be just find and never think of your cycle. However, try and be a woman who has no money – what is she gonna do if she has her period without any pads or tampons? What if hers is really painful and she can’t buy pain medicine?
    You can say your cycle is “worse” than a females, when you are at work or in school and have to run out because any second now blood might start seeping through your clothes, or you don’t have an pain meds on you and it hurts so bad you feel sick…
    Like I said not saying that going through a lot of hormonal shifts like that isn’t difficult – but women go through just as many shifts – ALONG with the monthly cycle that we can’t always hide even when we want to.
    Do you really think we enjoy being the laughing stock at work when everyone call tell we are “on the rag”? No one takes it seriously – because it is so public. Besides, women are hornier in the mornings too.

  15. Erica 14 March, 2015 at 5:36 pm #

    I really appreciate you going out into the realm of internet information. I think it’s important for everyone to be aware of their cycles and how they affect our daily lives. However, the degradation of women was not necessary. I think it’s important for everyone to have equal opportunity to speak about how they are feeling and to support each other through these ups and downs of life. We can only support each other if we treat each other with respect and understand that we’re all here on this planet, moving through this life how we know best. So, thanks again for the blog post, some useful information to ponder.

  16. Gronyx 23 January, 2016 at 3:13 am #

    I am going to disagree with us having a worse cycle. I’m not saying it’s easier, but you cannot compare the two that way. You can compare the fact that women and men have cycle’s but people still have different experiences, yes some men might have worse cycles.’s and a worse experience than some women but it works exactly the same way around. We can however never actually know unless you manage to become someone else and experience what they experience. It’s all together possible that men have a lot worse cycle’s but in that same sense the worst male cycle might not even come close to the easiest female cycle. Unless someone has everyone’s experience at once you cannot know.
    On another note this information explains a lot, I seem to have similar “symptoms” but thought it was some or other psychological problem lol. Does not mean I believe it yet, will do some more research.

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