What is really going on…

14 Jun

A few of you have asked why, exactly I am here in New York for the next two months. What is my role here? What do I do?

First let me tell you about Patsy. Patsy has known my “host family” (the two guys I’m staying with here) basically since time began. I’ve only known them for about 7 or so, and since she used to live with them I met her around the same time.

She’s been comming here for years as their tag along and just this year took over cleaning duties for the entire commune. I offered my services to help out in exchange for room and board and allowing me to keep my full earnings for the massages I give the students and staff.

Patsy is addicted to niccotine gum and has been since she quit smoking several years ago. Last year she awoke one morning and didn’t have her “good morning” piece of gum so she made a desperate run to town to buy some. Halfway down the hill she decided that she was going to abstain – if she made a right instead of hooking a left into town she’d get over the craving so she turned right.

Three minutes later she realized she had forgotten to take her morning poo, and more importantly was a desperate situation. She immediately pulled over at a conveniently located cozy little bed and breakfast off the side of the road and ran to the door.

It was locked.

Left with no alternative she ran back to her car, grabbed a roll of toilet paper from the back of her car (since she was the janitor she had several back there) and headed for the shack behind the B&B. She dropped trow and squatted against the wall.

“Well that’s not very nice, is it?” came a voice in front of her as she was pulling up her pants.

She went white as a dead drag queen on Christmas.

“Lady,” she replied, straightening her clothing, “do you think I would have done that if it was anything less than an emergency?”

The woman quickly threw her hands on her hips and says, “well you sure do seem to come prepared!” and pointed at the roll of toilet tissues in her hand.

Needless to say she’s never returned to that B&B again. So this year my job Is to follow Patsy around with a pooper scooper. More updates coming soon.

— Post From My iPhone

One Response to “What is really going on…”

  1. Martin 23 June, 2009 at 4:50 pm #

    I'm laughing with Patsy, not at…..

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