On a SWIFT road straight back to the ghetto from whence he came.

16 Oct

What am I?

Out of the loop.

What else am I?

Nosey.

It’s bad. I’m so that guy that can detect scandal and generalized gossip from across the room and BOLTS to the epicenter to say “what? what’s happening? who are we talking about?” Usually the guy everybody hates but typically people LOVE to give the juicy bits up when I ask. Folks love to tell me stuff, always have, no clue why. I shouldn’t be trusted.

Anyway, here I am, an entire MONTH late, to talk about what all happened at the VMA’s. Everybody’s caught up with the whole Kanye thing – WHICH THEY SHOULD BE. But more than that happened. First, of course, Kanye. I’m not going to sit here and write about how much of a douche bag he is. That’s been done already. Look at him though, he’s one of the top performers and producers in the country. He holds power – and now the people are showing that they have the power to take that away. Live Nation has dropped him. Lady Gaga refuses to tour with him. His clothing like, Pastelle will NEVER debut. And future albums? Probably gonna get sold out of the trunk of an old Caddilac.

Basically every star in the business has responded to this. Who would work with him now? Pink, 50 Cent, Kelly Clarkson, Dr Phil… EVEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES hates Kanye now. Man, he pissed off THE PRESIDENT! That guy’s got BOMBS! HOW do you recover from that? Would going on Leno and nearly crying on stage work? HELL NO you idiot, Leno isn’t BARBARA WALTERS! You don’t CRY on Leno! It just showed how big of a bitchwhore he really is.

Anyway, enough on that. Did you see what Lady Gaga was wearing? At ANY point of the night? I really want to know who designed these dresses, but I couldn’t find it in my googling. I loved the dress she wore to the red carpet, it reminded me of a crazy steam punk vixen. Then she covers herself with fake blood, Carrie style as she performs Paparazzi. When Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift they panned out to Gaga wearing a bleached bird’s nest on her head (hated that one, sorry.). And when she came out to accept her award, she looked like something from Pan’s Labrynth. Seriously, I would love to see what she has inside her purse. She changes clothes so much I think it would go something like this:

Steel Corset with Attached orbital rings, extra plastic bubbles in case one falls off, a dildo, and a ray gun.

AND FINALLY, Lil Mamma decides to smoke some crack and pull a Kanye. Although instead of being a pure disruptive ass on stage – she THOUGHT she was part of the show! Tyra had her on the other day (yes bitches I watch TYRA) and she told Tyra she felt like Jay-Z was signaling her to come on stage even though it hadn’t been rehearsed or even talked about it. Since she’s from New York too, she thought she should be on stage.

WHERE THE HELL IS SECURITY AT THESE SHOWS? How did someone not tackle her to the ground? Who the hell is Lil Mamma anyway? I don’t know who she is, she didn’t look special, how did security know she wasn’t just a rabid fan? I loved what Tyra told her – “Is there anything you’d like to say to Alicia?” she replied with “Well I don’t really know Alicia Keys-” and Tyra cuts her off and says “OH I do. What would you like for me to tell her?”

BWAH! Tyra SNAPPED her. In that polite valley girl type of way. Just for a good laugh, here’s a video of what Lil Mama had to say in an interview. Seriously how stupid can a person be?

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