feels like i’ve been runover in traffic…

19 Nov

Driving is NOT a leisure activity.  The road is NOT a playground and your car is NOT a see-saw.  I write this with rage because it is – it’s ROAD RAGE.  This is what incites my road rage every time I get on the highway.  Seriously, why these people think it’s ok for them to drive on *my* highway is beyond me.

First let me establish the lanes of traffic.  If there are only two lanes the right is for general traffic and the left is for passing.  If you’re in the left lane and someone behind you is going faster the right thing to do is to get into the right lane and let them pass.  If there are three or more lanes however the same rules of general traffic/passing lanes apply, but the additional central lanes are for faster traffic.  With that said, these are the things that piss me off the most on the road.

THE LEFT LANE IS EFFING SACRED, it is NOT a “comfort lane”.  It drives me insane when people drive in the far left lane, AKA the PASSING lane, at 45MPH.  Why would you do that?  Why?  What kind of selfish son of a bitch would make other people late because they want to be comfortable?

DON’T DALLY GETTING ON THE HIGHWAY.  There are cars traveling at speeds in excess of 65 miles per hour and there isn’t always an opportunity for them to switch lanes to let your slow ass over.  This goes right back to being comfortable on the road thing.  If you can’t be comfortable driving at the speed limit on the highway, get off the effing highway.  Take the bus.  Go to hell.  I DON’T CARE!

LET PEOPLE ON THE HIGHWAY.  This goes hand in hand with the last one, if someone’s getting on the highway DON’T be a dick just to be a dick.  You ARE, after all, driving in the lane they have to get into when entering the highway.  In fact, if you need to be such a speed demon why don’t you shift over to the *gasp* FAST lane?

TURNING IS NOT BRAIN SURGERY.  It does not take 5 minutes to turn, and yes it is ok to make a right at a red light.  This can get scarey lately though with the traffic cams firing off at random.  Who knows if they’re going to think you just ran a red light and take your picture???

THE MIDDLE LANE ISN’T A COMFORT LANE EITHER.  Actually no lane is a comfort lane.  People have things to do and places to be, there’s no time to be comfortable on the highway.

If you think you’re a good multitasker, YOU’RE NOT.  See I’m the type of person who has to slow down and look at the person driving the car that’s pissing me off.  I want to see what kind of person they are, and you can really tell a lot about a person by the way they look coupled with the way they’re driving.  EXAMPLE:  small economy car driving 65 in the left lane, when I finally pass on the RIGHT (which drives me nuts) I see it’s a woman, mid-twenties, pony tail, sunglasses.  I HATE this girl.  And so does her boyfriend.  He cheats on her with guys and she kinda knows it.  She knows by the way he jokes a little too comfortably with her gay best friend that she now secretly hates.  Now she takes it out on the road, the only place she can have a little control.

THE SHOULDER IS NOT A “FAST LANE” AROUND TRAFFIC!  I can’t count how many times I’ve been trapped in bumper to bumper traffic and some goddamned mother effing asshole goes zooming by on the shoulder.  GOD this incites my anger.  Every time this happens I want to grab a handfull of pennies and chunk them out the window at their car.  Or a soda.  Or a human head.  I HATE this to no end.

Tailgating does NO good, the slow son of a bitch is never going to move.  They’re either just stupid or there’s a different stupid person in front of them – either way you’re not going to push the line along any faster.

TRUCKERS HAVE NO BUSINESS ON THE ROAD, PERIOD.  But if they absolutely have to be STAY OUT OF THE LEFT LANE.  You’re just being a jackass, now stoppit.

It’s bumper to bumper traffic, YOU DON’T NEED TO SWITCH LANES!  It’s not really going faster, it’s going at a different interval – the only reason it seems like it’s going faster and your lane is going slower is some other stupid son of a bitch got the same idea which slowed your lane down and sped his lane up.  That’s the work of genius right there.

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2 Responses to “feels like i’ve been runover in traffic…”

  1. Martin 19 November, 2009 at 3:20 pm #

    It’s a good thing to let the anger out – if you bottled it up, you’d make yourself ill.
    If it’s any help, you’d like driving over here – other side of the road, but people do use lanes as you’d like. I hated being in a car in the States – traffic passing on every side and random lane switching all over the place!
    Funny you should mention the mid 20s woman with the pony tail. Know her boyfriend? I’ve had him. And her Dad.

  2. Justin Thyme 19 November, 2009 at 6:58 pm #

    I’m glad to hear you buggered her boyfriend and her dad, makes me proud to know you.

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