Adam Effin Lame-bert.

23 Nov

OK, how much louder can I scream this –

I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE ADAM LAMBERT!!!!

And this is just a recent developement.  I liked all of his performances that I watched on Idol, or rather the performances my friends who watch idol made me sit through.  I don’t watch American Idol, I make it a point not to.  I thought it was funny how everyone thought his version of Mad World was so very original when it was actually an exact reproduction of the version Michael Andrews and Gary Jules did for the Donnie Darko soundtrack.  But either way on Idol he was real, not the facsimile of himself that he’s been transformed into.

So then he releases this “album”.  And it’s pure crap.  Crap crap crap!  I’m amazed at how quickly he let the music industry turn him into a corporate tool.  He has no musical brand, he is 100% image.  It’s like listening to a dog getting it’s anal glands espressed while playing Sonic the Hedgehog with the volume full blast.  The album doesn’t really seem to pick a specific genre, he tries them all so he can be an equal opportunity embarrassment.  It reminds me of Anime music where the singer’s natural tongue isn’t english but they try to sing in it anyway, like Shakira singing in english.  In spanish it’s beautiful but translated to english it’s contrived and under par.  When did MUSIC become more about image than talent?  I can get on stage and look like a douche bag, but I can’t sing for shit.  Where’s my record contract?

Now lets skip to the American Music Awards.  The ONLY reason I wanted to watch his performance was to tear it apart later and he did NOT let me down.  Nothing about it was horribly shocking.  He face humps a leather daddy.  He makes out with a band member.  All the while he can’t carry an effing tune.  The thing that really gets me is he’s “gay”, and the powers that be have decided this is his schtick.  Personally I think it’s a stab at the gay rights movement.  He embraces the image that we have tried so hard to correct by embracing everything that heterosexual america thinks gays are.  Instead of focusing on his talent he’s focusing on shock value, setting the rest of the gay community back decades.

Honestly if I saw him on the street I’d punch him in his pretty little face.  I would love nothing more than to see his inch thick foundation smeared with nose blood and his mascara running down his cheeks.  OMG Justin how violent!  But yeah, these are the gays that SHOULD be bashed.  I think there should be an exception to the hate crime bill for people like Lame-bert and Ryan Seacrest that give the entire gay community around the globe a bad name.

The problem is nothing he does seems natural.  It’s like they’ve programmed his personality to be who someone else wants him to be.  Look at Lady Gaga for example.  Even though her (AMAZING) performance was weird and way out in left field she did it so naturally, she was in character where Lame-bert was running through a tech rehearsal.  She smashes bottles on her piano then slams on the broken glass-covered keys where Lame-bert is still working out his blocking..

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2 Responses to “Adam Effin Lame-bert.”

  1. G 23 November, 2009 at 12:17 pm #

    LOL! “It’s like listening to a dog getting it’s anal glands espressed while playing Sonic the Hedgehog with the volume full blast” nice boyfriend. Actually the only thing I did like was him blatantly trying to push the gay card mugging down on guys…it’s in your face but necessary for the heteros. Everything was icky poo.

  2. Justin Thyme 23 November, 2009 at 7:10 pm #

    My big problem isn’t him pushing the gay envelope, it’s him doing it JUST to do it. I’m all for exploiting what you can but he’s really ridiculous. See, I REALLY WANTED to like him! And now I’m horribly disappointed. I’d love to hold his head under water until the bubbles stop. Isn’t that the line you love so much?

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