ASK DUNDERBRAIN! Dumbass neighbors…

6 Dec

Dear DUNDERBRAIN!,

My neighbour has recently converted her attic into a bedroom, with a flat roof. In a seaside town. She now gets woken up by seagulls dancing on her roof and staring through her veluxe window. Apparently the seagulls are walking over from my chimney, where they (allegedly) roost. Do I cough up the money she wants from me to “seagull-proof” our roofs, or do I start throwing bread and fish onto her roof? Advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

Throwing Money to the Birds

Dear Dundercat,

OH you have one of THOSE neighbors, THOSE being people that do incredibly stupid things then blame it on someone else as to not look like a total idiot, in turn making them look like a total idiot.  In the US we have a show called Street Court that comes on during the same block as Jerry Springer, Steve Wilkos, and Maury Povich.  On street court they go to “the scene of the crime” and hold court, and more often than not it is a dispute relating to a home.  So many of the episodes surround people suing their slum lord because they’re broke bitches and can’t afford somewhere nice.

Like the other day this woman, weighing in at around 500lbs (about 226k) was suing her landlord because she had bed bugs.  Last time I checked we don’t even really get bed bugs in the states that bad but I might be wrong so that’s beside the point.  It couldn’t be the fact that she was hugely overweight and never cleaned her house, it couldn’t be that her physically capable son never cleaned the house, it definitely couldn’t be because her husband had just made a trip to Hungary and probably slept with a few hookers wile he was there, it was because the landlord didn’t take proper care of the property.

My point is if you rent a flat in a slum you see that it’s a slum when you rent it, the area didn’t just turn ghetto as soon as YOU moved in – and if it did that’s something you should look into yourself about.  It’s the same with your situation, Brighton didn’t just show up at the coast when this sea hag you have living next door decided to turn her attic into a bedroom, and seagulls didn’t just move inland when she did that either.  Really her contractor should have said “You realize what you’re in for here, don’t you?” but it’s a common sense issue.  You don’t expect your contractor to say “you know this water goes into the sewer, right?” when you have a new toilet put in.

As for what you should do I would see what the law says.  If for some reason you haven’t taken the necessary steps to “gull proof” your chimney then just do it, you don’t want the slag to sue you.  Otherwise if everything is on the up and up with your house then let it be.  Don’t shell out a single cent (or is it shilling over there?) to make up for her short sightedness.  And yes, throw bits of bread and fish out every chance you get.  She’ll convert it into a sewing room in no time.

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