As I’m sure you’ve gathered already sleep doesn’t come easily for the DUNDERBRAIN. As soon as one of my personalities falls asleep another wakes up sometimes and then there’s no hope for sleep. As with many insomniacs when I try to sleep often I get little songs stuck in my head or images will play over and over like a bad film reel. Last night though was truly awful. There was clown porn playing in my head.
I mean what else could be worse? I’m laying there trying to fall asleep and all I can see in my head is a weird clown with a big creepy grin doin it to a sad clown with a big over exaggerated frown. Disgusting, right? Not nearly bad enough. I tried to open my eyes for a few but as soon as I closed them there was another clown doing a strip tease for me so I stayed and watched for a minute. He completely disrobed, his entire body was as white as his face except for a big rainbow bush for pubes and it looked like his wanger had a clown nose on it.
My eyes sprung open as my phone rang, it was a friend of mine that works the night shift at a hotel now and I’ve never been happier to get a call in the middle of the night before. Usually I wouldn’t even answer that late but my options were to chit chat for a bit with a friend I hadn’t talked to in a week or so, or more effing clown porn. So I answered the phone.
I think at some point after my phone conversation I managed to fall asleep. After I woke up and started my daily googling trying to find the perfect material for today’s DUNDERBRAIN! I decided to type in “clown porn” and honestly I don’t know why I was even surprised by the results. Like any true pervert I have my google images safe search turned OFF so even if I type in a simple word like cantaloupe I get pictures like this GEM:
Isn’t that horrible? Anyway, the clown porn results made my soul cry. Seriously, people get in to this… and video tape it apparently! I’m still pretty confused as to why clowns even exist in the first place, when I think of clowns I don’t think of having a good time at a 3 year old’s birthday or going to the circus – I think of econoline vans, crack cocaine, and watching bad episodes of CSI: New York.
I know that really isn’t fair to the people who devote their lives to being a clown and bringing joy to children or entertaining or whatever the hell it is that inspires a person to dress up in tacky exaggerated clothing and paint their face like the caricature of a corpse with the white skin and bloated red lips but they scare the hell out of me. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever met a person that doesn’t have at least a slight fear of them. To each their own I guess, I’m gonna buy some bootleg internet ambien and try to think about dolphins and shit when I go to sleep tonight.