DATING IS A BLOOD SPORT.

27 Apr

I am all alone.  But I’m not lonely.  This is something that has taken me my entire life to appreciate.  So many people I know can’t stand the though of being alone; they spend all their energy trying to make another person love them to gratify some selfish internal need to have their self worth proven to them and I was once one of these people.  Now I am alone, and I like it that way.

I was talking to a guy online the other day about his crappy dating life.  I asked him what problem exactly he was having and he said “getting a guy that will stick around”.  As I dug a little deeper I figured out his problem is he’s a needy fat kid that hasn’t come out of the closet yet.  DAMN, that’s mean!  You may think but in reality it’s honest.  He’s 21 years old and is trying to pull off the bisexual thing but even he realizes that it’s just an act, he only started liking women to conceal the big secret that most of his friends secretly already know: he’s a big flaming homo.  “Nuff said.

After the probing (huh huh) into his personal life began he said that most guys just disappear after he starts texting them and I told him this was his first big mistake, if you find this becomes a pattern limit conversations until you meet the person.  Meet soon and with no expectations then exchange a few texts if it goes ok.  Personally I text with a guy for a while before I meet them but I use discretion as much as possible,  I actually flirt through text.  So many guys get overexcited and start saying things like “I can’t wait to meet you!” and other overzealous things like that or allow themselves to be an open book right off the bat.

Next I asked how his self esteem was and he said pretty bad because of the way he had been treated.  I told him bullshit, stop whining and get over it.  Insecurity is the most unattractive quality a guy can have and it conveys when trying to flirt with a guy.  It doesn’t matter if you’re fat, ugly, two toned skin with a fake eye without confidence you are nothing.  You have to let your freak flag fly, let the world know you got dealt a fucked up hand but you’re still going to enjoy life damnit.

I did notice that he was 285 and 5’8” so I asked him what he was doing about that, before men comes health completely.  He said he hadn’t been able to make it to the gym but he was down from 350 or something like that so I gave him kudos for it, at least he was showing effort.  You may thing that’s shallow but dating isn’t a game, it’s an effing BLOOD SPORT.  You have to be in peak physical condition otherwise you’ll never make it to the championship.  You can’t look like uncle fester, have the self esteem of Eore, and try to go after hot in shape men, this isn’t a Jonah hill movie.

The funniest part about this is he didn’t seem surprised by any of my responses, it was like he knew them already and I know this is true for a lot of people.  The truth is most people would rather wallow in their own self pitty than get off their asses and do anything about it but unfortunately tall, dark, and handsome guys with a body like adonis that love short ugly pathetic losers are hard to come by these days.

Can you tell I’m on my man period this week?

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One Response to “DATING IS A BLOOD SPORT.”

  1. Uncle Fester 27 April, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    I guess it’s a lunar thing.

    Have you thought about counselling as a side line?

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