Be a man…

30 Jun

This morning in my half-sleepy daze I had a conversation with someone on yahoo about being a man.  I said to the guy that most gay guys have being a man all confused, they think being a man consists of leather chaps and jock straps.  When he asked me what being a man means to me, I really had to think about it for a minute.

I was raised in a pretty traditional home.  My dad came from a home with 6 boys and 1 girl, so he was steeped with good ol fashioned 50’s style manliness.  Even though I really don’t care for about half my uncles now (for various other reasons, mostly of a homophobic nature) I can still say most of them are all good men.  They were protectors and took good care of their families.  They provided well, took responsibility, and are all pretty level headed. When I told the guy that I think being a man means keeping to your word, taking care of your responsibilities, rationality, and self control he responded with “yeah and being hairy.  so many of these little queens shave it off.”

I had to end the conversation right there, I could clearly tell this boy, even though he was 2 years older than me was *not* a man and had no clue what I was talking about.  Unfortunately this is true for many gays.  My friend Martin Strange made a comment to me about how he hates when people refer to gays as a “community” because we really aren’t.  I contested it at first but really it’s very true.

I don’t attend pride events.  I don’t sport rainbow flags.  I don’t go to gay bars except for once in a blue moon when I have a friend that really wants to go out.  Why?  Pride events are stupid, the last pride parade I went to was a bunch of drag queens riding in pickup beds for about 3 hours on end.  Rainbow flags ARE TACKY.  Seriously, as a “community” full of designers and decorators can we NOT come up with anything that actually MATCHES?  And gay bars are trashy.  Being a self-hating homosexual has nothing to do with it, I just have other parts of my personality to make me shine, I don’t have to rely on my sexuality to do that for me.

When it comes down to it being a man has nothing to do with what’s going on appearance wise.  I’ve known some big ol queens that were bigger men than a lot of bears I’ve met.  I think if the “gay community” would man up a bit and shift their focus from acting manly to being men MAYBE the world would actually start to take us seriously.

3 Responses to “Be a man…”

  1. Martin 30 June, 2010 at 12:34 pm #

    Hmmmm. what defines a “good” man? And is that different to being a “good” woman. I’m not sure that I’d make the distinction. It seems to me a lot of problems are caused by men trying to be what they believe a “man” should be.

  2. Jt DUNDERBRAIN! 30 June, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

    You know, since I am male and trying really hard to be what I believe a man should be I really don’t worry about what women should be, or what it means to be a woman. I mean we can’t deny that the sexes are different, I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes society makes. It’s impossible to say that men and women are equal 100% in every aspect because they’re not, depending on the individual they’re both superior and inferior to each other. I disagree that males trying to act like men is the problem, I think 30 year old (and older!) little boys still acting like little boys causes more problems than men taking care of their responsibilities and doing what people do as adults and it definitely causes more social degeneration. My mom raised her little boys into men, and even though it took me a little longer than my brother to get the swing of things I’ve definitely matured, some people NEVER do. And even though there’s something to be said for having some immature fun sometimes I really think people need to cowboy up and be men.

  3. Martin 2 July, 2010 at 3:22 pm #

    I think that what I was trying to get at is that people should be themselves, and not try to aspire to a role society’s role model fro them. It’s like people are quite happy to pigeon -hole themselves (and others). I’ve pigeon-holed you as JTJ by the way.
    Undoubtedly some of our (the greater “our”) differences are down to our sex. However note that I can take you to bars where those d(visual) differences are blurred to say the least! Or indeed a casual walk around Brighton……
    But yes, your mother did a fantastic job, and you’re continuing the good work – but always hold onto to the little Justin (I mean the child within – not some euphemism for, er…..). One can be too grown-up you know.

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