Tag Archives: diet

Day 1 – Loading

28 Nov

257.4 lbs

So today is my first day of hCG hormone injections. I’ve been anticipating this project a lot, I hear its something you really have to psych yourself up for so I’ve been reading online about the diet, long term and short term benefits, side effects, meal plans, pretty much anything I can get my eyes on about it. It sounds like the perfect plan for me and my lifestyle, plus you only do it for THREE WEEKS. About a month ago I looked in the mirror at the loosing battle of bad diet and age that was staring back at me and decided I HAD to do something, NOW.

A year ago a friend of mine started ordering bootleg hCG from a reliable pharmacy in China and lost 80lbs in a couple months on it. He’s 50 and looks AMAZING now, his body made a total transformation at a point in a man’s life when body changes become really hard to make. Its not that he looked bad before, he’s always been a handsome man but now his body really fits him. I asked him to order me a batch with his next shipment a month ago and it just came in today. I drove out to his house to pick it up earlier and he met me at the car. “Oh my god Justin!” he said as he poked at the double chin forming under my regular chin. Yeah, he’s known me long enough to do that. He’s seen my little muffin top pop out of the pan and rise to a full loaf of bread. He knew me back when my ass was still small.

I’ve always been a pretty fit individual, not fit as much as skinny. I really haven’t ever been FIT fit, even when I was anorexic and 160lbs I still had no muscle tone and had fatty deposits in places they shouldn’t be. A couple years ago my body changed from a cute young twinky boy to a man. A very tall man at that with fat in places that doesn’t look cute at all. At first my bony little butt got a little bigger and it looked AWESOME. For the first time in my life I had an ass and I loved it. Now the ass has started to creep north and my once bangin booty now feels like hefty haunches.

Another area that really improved through my man-change was my chest. I was always wimpy chested but suddenly I had a little something going on there. It was great, there was now definition separating the right from left instead of looking like two pepperonis on a surf board. Then, last year the definition began to thicken and sag. My cute little pooch of a tummy began to swell, and lumps started popping up above my hips. My inner things touch and when I walk around too much on a hot day they chafe. And to top it all off, when I flex my ass cheeks little dimples spring up all over it. Yes, I’m 30, I’m a man, and my ass has cellulite.

At first I thought my bathroom mirror must be possessed by a demon. It looked like I slipped through my tube on the Guadalupe and it got stuck on my man-boobs around my waist. BYECH! I said to myself, “what the HELL happened to me? Where did the cute me go? Did that beast in the mirror eat him? How do I get him back?”

So I started walking every morning. I downloaded an app on my phone to track my calorie intake. I stuck to a calorie limit and watched what I ate, I did that for 3 weeks and I lost 15lbs! It was great! Then one day after a long walk I came home, puked up all the water I drank on my walk and slept the rest of the morning. I decided I had overdone it and needed to take a break. That was about 5 months ago and since then I’ve eaten everything under the sun that I can find.

Its been a self-destructive downward spiral of pancakes, fried chicken, and booze. Lots and lots of booze. I read on a website that one of the major foods to avoid to burn belly fat is pancakes and suddenly I craved pancakes. Within an hour of reading about that I had woken up my neighbor Michael and we were at the local coffee shop eating a giant stack of pancakes. I really feel sorry for the guy, I’ve totally taken him down this dark path with me. Luckily for him the rest of the time he eats like a bird so he can backpedal pretty easily. Yesterday the two of us got gym memberships and are starting tomorrow morning so I’m gonna do my part to help correct the metabolic mistakes we both have made.

The thing I’ve been the most worried about with the hCG program is the actual injection. I HATE needes, my ears were both pierced with 6 gauge needles but I didn’t have to look at that. I have “blood taken” once a year and I can’t even watch the nurse do it, and now I’m supposed to give myself injections EVERY DAY for the next 3 weeks? WTF?

I figured I’m a big boy. I can really do anything I put my mind to. And skinny feels good enough to cancel out the pain of any tiny little needle. After I picked up my drugs I mixed them up, got the needle ready, and rubbed my fat tummy down with an alcohol pad. GAWL DARN the alcohol pad. There’s something about that smell that’s different from rubbing alcohol from a bottle. It brings back memories from childhood, being pinned down to the chair in the doctor’s office, waiting for that pain to come and that tingle fills your nostril that just makes you want to start crying. Its like THAT is when the actual shot starts, even though the injection is in and out in a couple seconds. I took a deep breath, steadied my trembling hand and gently pressed the needle to my skin. Once it was in I pressed down on the plunger and pulled out the needle. Voila! Done!

Today and tomorrow are my “loading days” aka “eat everything in your way because you ain’t eatin SHIT for the next 3 weeks” days. For breakfast was biscuits and gravy with butter in everything, lunch was Krystal Burger, now for dinner I’m making Farfalli Alfredo with hot sausage and half a stick of butter in the sauce. At some point I’m going to the store to purchase a whole cheesecake to be eaten by moi. I’m really looking forward to this whole transformation, lets see how it goes!!!

My stats: Height: 6’8”

Weight: 257.4

Gut: 44

Waist: 43

Hips: 47

Chest: 45

Thighs 25

Fat and grease slathered on a solid carb bun…

6 Nov

It’s currently 8am and I’ve been awake since 6 so considering I didn’t go to bed until 2 I would say that my insomnia has definitely kicked back up.  Every morning around this hour I watch Lucy and am perpetually surprised by their blunt demonstration of domestic violence.

What a jackass Ricky was!  Fred would have never DARED lay a hand on Ethyl but you know that Cuban motherfucker beat the shit out of that poor redhead woman on the daily.  He must have had some GOOD dick though because she loved the hell out of him.

The past few mornings I have been getting breakfast sandwiches from various fast food chains.  I’m usually not a big breakfast eater but I do breakfast sandwiches for special occasions so *of course* I got a Croissantwich from Jack in the Box for election day, then just had to double it up with a Sausage and Egg McMuffin to celebrate yesterday, so now I’m spoiled and craving one today.

Whoever invented the breakfast sandwich should be put to a slow, agonizing, artery blocking death… or maybe their sandwiches are taking care of that one faster than anyone else could.  I swear they have to put crack in them, or maybe there’s a highly addictive chemical that’s created by the fusion of pig grease and cheese, two common ingredients most breakfast sandwiches have.

One place I WILL NOT GO is the McGriddle from McDonalds.  A lot of people are in love with them but I just can’t do it, the little syrup crystals in the pancake bun (OMG I totally gagged just at the thought of it)… what bedridden morbidly obese pot head came up with that one?  I mean I know I have the whole hypoglycemia thing working against me but I don’t see how ANYONE can handle that much fat, grease, AND sugar before 10:30 AM.

Usually I hate eating breakfast.  I’m not a big fan of “sustenance eating” as a whole though; I love food but hate having to eat every few hours just to stay alive.  I tried turning the hunger thing off before but I ended up loosing a lot of weight and people thought I was puking.  I don’t see why people are so huffed up over eating, I mean if you see someone 200+ pounds overweight you’ll totally say something tacky under your breath to a friend but don’t have the balls to go up and tell them personally “maybe you should put the pig down, ma’am” while they’re having dinner but there’s no hesitation in yelling “damn bitch eat a burger!” to someone that’s super skinny.

Even in close, personal relationships if the person is too skinny most people don’t hesitate to tell them how much they’re worried about their eating habbits and general health but NOBODY says anything to 400lb aunt Edith who shovels down 4 apple pies a day, a whole cow and a wheel of cheddar cheese which is slowly hardening her arteries into a network of solid cholesterol concrete.

I think I just grab some fruit instead.

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