The Gambler.

As I am by no means any kind of relationship expert, I am a gambler. And a smoker and a drunk, but that’s beside the point. In the past year of being single I’ve lightly treaded the waters of the dating world like an alien to new terrain, rarely even taking off my breathing apparatus to inhale the native air. Now that I’m old, cold, and jaded, I’ve really noticed all the games that one really has to play in the dating world, and recently I’ve noticed it’s a lot like poker.

My favorite poker game is Texas Holdem! During the winter I used to play poker a lot with my volleyball buddies and even though most of the time I’d suck and loose all my chips I got a pretty good grasp of the game. Everyone has a different way of playing poker, as they do dating.

There’s the guy that screws up and puts all of his cards down before the first card is even turned over. There’s the guy that holds out until the end, plays all his chips, and doesn’t have SHIT in his hand. There’s the guy that folds EVERY TIME and looses all his chips on antes. There’s the over-better that puts their whole pot in on the first hand then cries in the corner for the rest of the game because they’re too broke to play. Then there’s the smart poker player who carefully analyzes his hand, the other players in the game, and himself. This guy always leaves with everyone else’s chips.

Every game goes the same way. All the players throw in a chip, the cards are dealt, then the bets are placed. This is where it gets interesting and what kind of gambler you are is revealed. The players are whittled down until only a few remain and inevitably all the cards are laid out on the table. This is when it comes time to bet or call. You look at what you have invested in the hand already and what you have left to invest in your pot. Then it comes time to decide weather you’re going to fold, bet, or call their bluff. Either way eventually you have to lay down everything to see if it’s time to play another hand or walk away with your winnings.

You can’t play one had of cards forever. Just like any game there’s eventually a winner and a looser, but either way you come out to play another hand. And really some people have a knack for it and some don’t. I think Kenny Rogers gave the best dating advice with the entire song of “The Gambler”, it describes the intelligent way to date if you can understand a little bit of metaphor.

You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run. (like that time you ran up on that big bottied ho at the club and made the mistake of giving your REAL number)
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.